If you’re unfamiliar with the Enneagram, it is a very popular personality typing system. The system is comprised of 9 types that have many interconnections. You are born with and develop your type in childhood. It’s a great tool for learning about yourself and the people around you. You should not try to guess someone else’s Enneagram type for them, though.
If you are very interested in the Enneagram, it’s understandable to speculate about the type of someone you know. The key to knowing someone else’s Enneagram type, though, is that they need to identify it and share it with you. But why?
The complexity of trying to guess someone else’s Enneagram type
The Enneagram can be quite complex. While every person has one primary Enneagram type, there are facets of many types in everyone. A person’s wing will influence what you see. If they are in disintegration (stress) or in integration (growth), that brings two additional types into play. Plus, there are attitudes and behaviors at different levels of spiritual/emotional health that may appear like a different Enneagram type.
The Enneagram is about inner motivations and desires
Speaking of attitudes and behaviors… While you can observe these things externally, behavior isn’t really what the Enneagram is about. The primary objective of the Enneagram is to identify your core fear, your core desire, and your motivations. Unless you know someone well enough to know those things, it is going to be extremely difficult to identify them based on their behavior.
For example, Type 1s and Type 6s are both known to be compliant. Both of these types also tend to have feelings of guilt. However, the internal reasons for their compliant tendencies and guilty feelings are going to be different.
To accurately guess someone else’s Enneagram type, you need to be familiar with their inner world. That isn’t insight you are likely to have with a casual acquaintance or coworker. Motivations aren’t always apparent even with people you know well.
Enneagram types can be triggering for people
When you start learning about the Enneagram, it can feel very much like the focus is on negative traits. One piece of advice I read about for determining your own Enneagram type is to pay attention to what makes you most uncomfortable. A strong “negative” emotional reaction to reading about the different types may be a good indication that YOU are that type.
Now, imagine telling someone that you think they are a Type 4. That person could very well take that to mean you think they are dramatic and self-absorbed. That’s not really something you want to tell someone you care about or barely know, is it?
Telling someone else what you think their Enneagram type is may look like you are trying to put them in a box that they don’t want to be in. That could cause them to become upset or defensive, and it could even put a strain on the relationship.
Enneagram for Self-Discovery and Personal Growth
The Enneagram is a far more useful tool for discovering YOURSELF than discovering others. It is intended as a tool to identify one’s own emotions and response patterns in order to grow. Guessing someone else’s Enneagram type might seem like a way to understand them better. In reality, it is far better to let them determine their own type. Until someone is ready to learn and share with you, keep the focus on your own journey of self-discovery and personal growth.
Conversations about learning the Enneagram can be fun
Instead of trying to guess someone else’s Enneagram type, encourage people to explore the Enneagram for themselves. There are free online tests, and the Enneagram Institute is a great source of information. It can be a lot of fun to share the learning journey! You can share your experience and talk about the ways in which the Enneagram has helped you. When you share your insights with each other, you might also gain a new perspective because everyone approaches the subject differently. You could even find new wisdom about yourself by having an open dialogue with someone else. But, if you make someone feel pigeonholed by guessing their type inaccurately, you will likely shut down those conversations before they have a chance to begin.
When it’s okay to guess someone else’s Enneagram type
I think there is one exception when it comes to speculating about Enneagram types. That exception is when it comes to fictional characters. It’s a fun topic of conversation with other people who love the Enneagram, and you won’t run into the problems discussed here. Sometimes you are privy to the inner workings of a fictional mind. Plus, there’s no need to worry about triggering them or offending them! Often a work of fiction is ALL ABOUT the character’s self-discovery and growth, so have at it. Check out what I mean in my two posts about Evan Hansen and the rest of the characters from the musical Dear Evan Hansen.
Final thoughts about trying to guess someone else’s Enneagram type
The Enneagram is a powerful tool for personal discovery and growth, providing deep insights into one’s core fears, desires, and motivations. While it can be tempting to speculate on others’ types, it’s important to remember that the Enneagram’s true value lies in self-exploration. Misidentifying or labeling someone else’s type can lead to misunderstandings and strain relationships. Instead, focus on your own journey and encourage others to explore their types independently. This approach fosters open, enriching conversations and shared growth experiences without the pitfalls of misjudgment. And for a fun and harmless exercise, feel free to speculate on the Enneagram types of fictional characters!
